


In the Eye of the Hurricane

by CocotteJenn



Series: Warden Ana Surana, Champion Alwyn Hawke, Inquisitor Violette Surana (aka the Sad Mages worldstate) [10]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Bittersweet, Circle of Magi, Cullen is in love but also trying really hard not to be, Dragon Age Prompt Exchange, F/M, Light Angst, Mages and Templars, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Dragon Age: Origins, Writing Prompt, and he misses the point of half the things Surana tells him, implied depression, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 20:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15826281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocotteJenn/pseuds/CocotteJenn
Summary: (from the Dragon Age Prompt Exchange) Surana heads back to the Circle Tower one last time before going back to the Wardens and runs into Cullen.





	In the Eye of the Hurricane

**Author's Note:**

> Full prompt: Surana heads back to the Circle Tower one last time before going back to the Wardens, post Landsmeet and all, and runs into Cullen. He’s had time to calm down from the whole ordeal and the two actually get to talk about his feelings, and she admits she liked him a lot as well.

The mages built a monument in Surana’s honour in the Tower’s Great Hall. It was a small glass case showcasing a set of Circle robes and a staff, supposedly used by the Warden during the Blight. A plaque reading ‘ _Surana, saviour of Kinloch Hold_ ’ adorned the display. First Enchanter Irving was very proud of it. So proud, in fact, that he invited her to its unveiling.  
  
The entire Tower was bustling with life as everyone was getting prepared to welcome the prodigal daughter back to the Circle. Cullen couldn’t stand it. Most of these people didn’t even like her, but now that she was the mighty Hero of Ferelden, they all wanted to be her best friends. Hypocrites, the lot of them. It was disgusting.  
  
Surana arrived in the late afternoon. One look at her Grey Warden armour and the silverite longsword hanging at her hip was enough to tell you she did not belong here. She was no Circle mage, not anymore, but she was as dangerous as any of them, if not more so. She stood by the First Enchanter while he delivered his carefully prepared speech. A polite smile was plastered on her face, but Cullen was quick to notice that her eyes didn’t shine with happiness the way they used to. He had fallen in love with those eyes, bright like the moon’s reflection on Lake Calenhad’s waters in the summer. _No…_ It wasn’t love, he had to remind himself. It was the foolish desires of a naive boy, the kind of thoughts demons preyed upon. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself. He would not show weakness. Not in front of the mages.

Knight-Commander Greagoir too spoke a few words, although his were more restrained. He was not happy about the Crown’s decision to give the Circle its independence, arguing that Surana was the exception, not the rule. But complaining about it was unnecessary. The Chantry would never allow it to happen, and Queen Anora would have no other choice but to back down when faced with the threat of an Exalted March.  
  
Cullen found the Warden outside after the ceremony. She was poised on the edge of the platform overlooking the remnants of the old broken bridge, her eyes focused on a distant point. A casual onlooker might think she looked peaceful, standing there with the wind blowing through her thick black hair, but Cullen knew better. Her straight posture, her head held high, her narrowed eyes, the way her hand was resting on the hilt of her sword… She was on her guard. There was nothing peaceful there, she was a sentinel keeping watch. _A Grey Warden standing vigilant_.  
  
“Are you going to say something, or are you planning to stand there awkwardly for the rest of the day?” her voice rang in the open space.  
  
“I…” He was taken aback by her sudden call. “I could ask you the same thing. About waiting here all day, I mean.”  
  
“I’m waiting for the ferry,” she answered flatly without ever looking at him.  
  
Was she leaving already? She hadn’t even stayed an hour. “So that’s it?” he snarled. “You come here, get your praise, and then what? You just leave again?”  
  
That got her attention. Surana turned around to face him, a scowl distorting her features. “What else am I supposed to do? I didn’t ask for this! If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even have come here in the first place!” She turned back toward the horizon, her expression relaxing a little. “I figured I owed it to Irving to come here one last time and give him some proper goodbyes.”

Quiet fell over them, familiar and comfortable. It reminded him of a time, almost too long ago, when she would drag him to one of the Tower’s top floors in the middle of the night to study the constellations. He remembered how she would gaze into the telescope, biting on the left corner of her lower lip in concentration. She would scribble furious notes in a small book and groan when, in her haste, her hands would smear the ink all over the page. At times, she would be so overtaken with excitement that she would forget about his presence. He didn’t care though, he enjoyed seeing her happy.

With hesitant steps, Cullen shortened the distance between them to stand beside her, though he chose to remain at arm’s length so as not to invade her personal space. When he looked at her, there was no sense of wonder on her face anymore, only emptiness, the kind of distant pain he had only ever seen in old warriors. A strange look on a woman so small and so young, and yet she wore it like she wore her armour, noble and proud. She was still beautiful, perhaps even more so than before. Cullen forced himself to look away. She was a mage. Thinking of her that way was disgraceful, vile.

Surana broke the silence after a few minutes. “What do you want, Cullen?”  
  
He rubbed his neck nervously. “I just… I think we need to talk.”  
  
“I didn’t think we had anything left to talk about,” she told him, her voice laced with bitterness. “I’m surprised you even want to be alone with me.”  
  
“Are you saying I should be afraid of you?”  
  
“Shouldn’t you? I’m a shameful mage, after all,” she reminded him.  
  
He had not expected his own words, now thrown back at him, to sting as much. “I-I didn’t mean it like that.”  
  
“Yes, you did. And that’s what hurt the most.” Her voice softened slightly, but her face remained cold. “You were the only templar I ever considered a friend. I liked you. A lot, and against my better judgment. But now…” She looked him up and down, judging him with those piercing eyes of hers. “It’s like I don’t know who you are anymore. You’ve become a completely different person, and frankly, I’m not sure I want to get to know that person.”  
  
“I’m not the only one who’s changed,” he sneered. “You’re not the lively girl I met two years ago any more.”  
  
A shadow passed over her face as she appeared to be recalling a painful memory. “Having an Archdemon stare into your soul will do that to a person,” she told him through gritted teeth. “Amongst other things.”

Whatever happened to her during the Blight must have been terrible, for she was but a shadow of her former self. Upon closer inspection, Cullen noted that she looked thinner and paler than the last time he had seen her, with dark circles surrounding her eyes.

“D-do you… Do you ever wonder what would have happened had you not become a Grey Warden?” he asked in a low voice.

She weighed the words hidden behind his question. ‘ _Do you ever think about us?_ ’ Not that there had ever been an ‘ _us_ ’ to begin with, but maybe… in another life… “No,” she admitted after a while. “Do you?”

Strangely, her answer didn’t hurt. As a matter of fact, Cullen was relieved to hear it. He considered the question himself. Hero or not, Surana was a mage first. Such feelings were forbidden, unrighteous, a sin in the eyes of Andraste and the Maker, or so he told himself. But seeing her again brought back memories. Memories of a young girl running around the Circle’s library with her hands full of books. A young girl who would climb up the shelves because she was too short to reach the top and too proud to ask for help. Cullen remembered her slipping once. The fall had broken her leg, and he had been forced to carry her throughout the Tower to the infirmary. He had been the one in need of reassurance that day. ‘ _Don’t worry, Cullen. It’s not my first tough landing, I’ll be fine. I always get back up,_ ’ she had told him with a warm smile.  
  
He stared at the vast emptiness in front of them, unable to look her in the eyes. “You’re a… you’re a mage. As a templar, it is my duty to oppose you.” He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than her. “Whatever feelings I may have had in the past were inappropriate.” Talking about it felt like a load had finally been lifted off his shoulders.  
  
She surprised him with a small wistful smile. “They were, but not for the reasons you’re thinking of.”  
  
He frowned, unsure of how he was supposed to take this statement. Silence settled between them again, and Cullen found himself lost in her eyes. Grey eyes, like a storm brewing in the distance. The demon’s eyes had been violet, that was how he had known their visions could not be real. That was how he knew the woman standing beside him today was real.

Surana kept staring at him like she was expecting something from him, although he did not know what. He rubbed the back of his neck again as he tried to come up with a new subject of conversation. “So… What are you going to do now that… now that the Blight is over?” A long time ago, he had hoped she would return to the Circle once the world was safe again. Clearly, she had other plans.  
  
She shrugged and looked away from him once more. “Weisshaupt first. Then, I’ll probably head into the Deep Roads to fight darkspawn. With any luck, we’ll never see each other again,” she told him with a voice so devoid of any emotion that it scared him. There was something ominous in the way she spoke, as if she knew something he did not. She likely did, Cullen thought, and that fact terrified him.

“Are you… Are you alright?” he whispered.

“Are you?” she blurted. “I was surprised to see you here so soon after… after… after everything.”  
  
The way she dodged his question did not escape his notice, but who was he to push for an answer? “I’m being transferred,” he confessed. “I’m leaving for Kirkwall at the end of the week.”  
  
That revelation triggered something within her. Her eyes lit up almost imperceptibly. “Kirkwall?” She frowned, and for a moment she looked like the young apprentice she used to be before the world shattered around them. “I’ve heard rumours about the place, none of them good.”  
  
He snickered. He had heard them too, but he knew the mages to be prone to exaggerations. “Rumours are just rumours. You should hear the sort of things some of the apprentices say about you.” He could feel his ears turning red at the thought. If the whispers were to be believed, the Warden had bedded a lady pirate in Denerim. Preposterous.  
  
“Just…” The worry in her silver eyes seemed genuine. “Be careful, alright?”  
  
He was about to retort that whatever happened to him was beyond her concern, but he thought better of it. It was comforting, knowing that, in spite of everything, she still cared. He gave her a slight nod, like a silent promise that he would remain on his guard. After what happened to Ferelden’s Circle, he would never let another mage get the better of him. His response seemed to appease her.

Cullen took a tentative step toward her. He wanted to reach for her hand to reassure her that everything was going to be alright, but the ferryman’s arrival interrupted him.  
  
“Ready to go when you are, my lady,” the old man announced.  
  
“Thank you, Kester. I’ll be right there.”

Maybe it was a sign from the Maker, Cullen pondered, a way to stop him from committing an unforgivable sin.

She turned to face him one last time, the evening sun sparkling in her eyes. “You too, Surana…” he sighed. “Be careful out there.”

She swallowed as if she was holding something back, something like tears, as if she could not keep that simple promise. She forced her lips to curl into a sad smile. “Goodbye, Cullen. May the Maker watch over you.”  
  
She followed the ferryman down the stairs and to the shore where the small rowing boat was waiting for them. Cullen watched the embarkation slowly disappear in the distance. Surana never looked back. Not at him, nor at the Tower. She meant it when she said they would not see each other again. He should have been relieved - _good riddance_ \- but instead, he felt sad, a feeling more akin to melancholy. Regret, perhaps… He didn’t want to see her again, and yet he found himself hoping that he would.


End file.
